god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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