You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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