lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
