That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
