i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
