it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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