how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
