he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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