at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
