Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
