i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I am one with the molecules
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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