This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
