did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
