At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
