I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
