The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Randomize
