Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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