man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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