He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
