I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
