Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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