six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
