I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Dicks are not precious.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
