bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
