I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
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