i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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