I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
