Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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