im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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