She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
