You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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