Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
