I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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