No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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