last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
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He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
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There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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