if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Someone shattered a urinal.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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