I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
