you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
