as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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