I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I think my moral compass just broke
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
