i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
