i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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