Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
