I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
