I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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