I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
