He kissed a someone with a penis
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
the liver wants what the liver wants
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
