I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
