Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
