Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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