i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Randomize
