I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
