So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
