she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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