i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
