Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
