would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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