Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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