margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
