I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
