We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
