yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
