i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
