Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
