Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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