Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
When did angry sex become our thing?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
