When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
