i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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