so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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