my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize