Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
