Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
