so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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