i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize