would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
