Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
