My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
this hospital has no fireball
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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