Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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