i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
