Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
