How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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